


Breathe

by EpicOfMe



Category: Kimi ni Todoke | From Me to You
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpicOfMe/pseuds/EpicOfMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love... you never you had it till you lose it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

“And where do you think you’re going in such a hurry?” Mrs. Yoshida casually yelled after her daughter before Chizu could sprint out the door.

“Just out with the gang.” Chizu yelled back.

“When will you be home?” her father asked. 

“Dunno. Sometime before midnight, I’m guessing.” Chizu slipped her socked feet into her favorite running shoes. “I’ll call if I’ll be later.”

“Fine.” Her mother said.

“Be safe.” Her father added.

“I will!” She called as she closed the front behind her. She turned and promptly hit her nose on a solid wall. 

“What the hell.” Chizu said as she rubbed her forehead. “Who put a--.”

Her question was stopped short by a deep, sarcastically heartfelt “Ow.” 

Chizu looked up into the same blank expression that she’s had to look at her whole life. The culprit had a big hand over his chest as if it hurt. “Ryu. What are you doing here?”

“I came to pick you up. You didn’t have to head butt me though.” Ryu said as he adjusted his baseball hat to perfectly shade his face. 

“You didn’t have to stand right outside my door.” Chizu said with a smile and elbowed him in the ribs. “Even I need some space to move with these perfectly shaped legs.”

“Ow.” Was all he said. 

“So.” she said and flipped her hair. “Where are we meeting the others?” 

“By the movie theater.” Ryu fingered his baseball cap. 

“WHAT?” Chizu stopped in her tracks. “That’s half way across town!”

“Uh-huh.” Ryu yawned. 

“Well then let’s get a move on!” Chizu yelled. She sprinted past Ryu as fast as her legs could carry her. 

“But I’m tired.” Ryu complained to himself. “I wanted to take my time.” 

In truth, he wanted to have a nice stroll with Chizu by his side. Granted, she’d be doing all the talking, but if Ryu was going to be totally honest, he enjoyed hearing her voice ramble on and on and on about how stupid Pin was or something totally different. It didn’t matter to him, just so long as he heard her vice. 

But at this rate, he’d never get that luxury. 

“Chizu!” he shouted after her. “Wait up!” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe the lack of traffic today.” Ayane said to Sawako in an attempt to make the time pass faster. 

“I agree.” Sawako said. 

There was an awkward, drawn out silence from the group. 

“Any idea where Ryu and Chizu are?” Kazehaya inquired to the two girls standing beside him. Both shook their heads. He checked his watch for the millionth time and didn’t hear the dirty remark Ayane made to Sawako. 

“Unless they’re in a bed.” Ayane dissolved into a fit of unquenchable giggles and Sawako promptly turned so red she looked like a tomato with a sunburn. 

“Ah.” Kazehaya said. “There they are!”

“Sorry.” Chizu explained panting. “Ryu was too lazy to get on the subway.” 

“I’m tired.” Ryu said curtly. 

“I KNOW!” Chizu barked; partly to get her point across and partly to wake Ryu up. Which said boy, in response, yawned. Chizu sighed and threw her hands in the air in exasperation. 

“Well, let’s not wait any longer or we’ll have to go home before we actually do anything.” Ayane suggested before anyone could notice Sawako’s beat read face and question it. “Where are we going again? Kazehaya was really unclear this morning.”

Kazehaya shrugged his shoulders and grinned stupidly. 

“There’s a theme park down the road.” Chizu suggested. “We could go there.”

“I wanted to take a nap.” Ryu mumbled. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have stayed up so late.” Kazehaya offered smirking. Only he knew the reason why Ryu was so tired on this particular day. He shared in Ryu’s discomfort on account that Ryu had called him in the middle of the night and ranted to him about Chizu. That’s the only thing he seemed to be concerned about now. Other than baseball, of course. 

_“Hello?”_

_“I want tomorrow to be special.” Ryu stated in his usual monotone voice._

_Kazehaya rolled his eyes. “That’s great, Ryu. But did you have to call me and tell me that…” he paused to look at his bedside alarm clock. “At two eighteen in the morning?”_

_Ryu dropped his shoulders in slight annoyance. “Shota. Don’t tell me you forgot.”_

_Kazehaya raised an eyebrow. “Forgot what?”_

_“Chizu’s birthday.”_

_“But that’s not until…” Kazehaya remembered the day. “Tomorrow. More like today, actually.”_

_“Let’s start over.” Ryu suggested. “I want tomorrow to be special.”_

“Theme park sounds fun.” Sawako said, her embarrassed blush mostly gone. “I’ve never been to one before. What do you there?”

There was much surprise and crying on Chizu’s part, but they all managed to make their way down the street. 

Ryu suppressed another yawn in order to concentrate on the new feeling that made him want to turn around and go straight home. It was a mix of nervousness and anticipation, like something horrible was right around the corner. He’d had that same feeling when Tohru came home with his new fiancée, Haruka. He felt like Chizu was about to get hurt. Really bad. 

“Hey look! There it is!” Chizu yelled, rudely breaking Ryu out of his thoughts, but that one part of his mind could never get rid of the nagging feeling. “Right across the street!”

Without thinking, she started running across the street to get to the other side. “No, Chizu. Stop! Come back!” Ryu wanted to yell, but his mouth wouldn’t obey his mind. Chizu ran on, oblivious to the danger that was so obvious to Ryu. 

Time slowed as Ryu dashed out into the street. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He could hear Chizu’s excited footsteps on the pavement. But worst of all, he could hear the diesel engine of an eighteen wheeler speeding towards them. 

Ryu ran with every ounce of speed he had. When he reached her, he pushed out with his arms hitting Chizu so hard that he felt the shock run up to his shoulders. Chizu turned just in time to see the truck coming, and soon enough to see the pure fear radiating in Ryu’s eyes.

There was a resounding thud mixed with earsplitting snaps and a screeching of tires as the semi came to a halt. Chizu lay, backside down, on the sidewalk, stunned, but none the worse for wear. She lifted her head and blinked to clear her blurry vision. She took a few deep breaths and saw Ryu sprawled out on the pavement in front of the truck, surrounded by a pool of his own blood. 

“Ryu!” Chizu screamed as she picked herself up and tried to run to him. “Ryu! Oh my god. Ryu!” in her haste, she tripped on her own feet and fell on her hands and knees. She tried again, only to fall again. Seeing as there was no use for her to stand, she crawled on all fours to his side, not even aware that she was tearing her knees into just raw flesh and blood. 

There was blood dripping out of his mouth and his eyes were glazed. Chizu took his head and shoulders in her arms and cradled him to her heart. The still sane part of her brain told her to make sure that he was still breathing, but the part of her brain that was screaming drowned out what the other was trying to say. 

“How could this be happening?” she thought. “What did he do to deserve this?” 

“Call an ambulance!” she yelled. Tears poured down her face like never before. “Somebody help me!” In the background she could see someone get out of the semi and stare at her and Ryu. Chizu’s head snapped up to look at the man. 

“YOU BASTARD!” she screamed and jumped up so fast that she almost dropped Ryu’s head on the pavement. “YOU SON OF A HELL FIRE BITCH!” 

She charged at the man and was only held back by Kazehaya grabbing both her arms and pulling her back. Sawako and Ayane stood in complete shock at Ryu’s side. The driver didn’t move. He only lowered his head like he was thankful that he didn’t have to endure the pain of Chizu’s wrath.  
“I HATE YOU!” she screamed, not even aware that Kazehaya was trying to drag her back. “GO FUCK YOURSELF!” All she did was fight, not even knowing what she was fighting. 

Kazehaya managed to pull Chizu away from the driver. Still fighting the unknown force keeping her from vengeance, she snapped her head back and fell to the ground facing Ryu’s body. On seeing his bloodied form on the ground, she broke. She climbed to her knees and crawled over to him. She gripped the fabric on his shirt like it was her lifeline. She brought her head down to his chest and cried like a baby. 

An ambulance arrived and the paramedics started to strap Ryu to a stretcher. As they pushed him in the back, Chizu tried to follow, only to be pushed back by a paramedic. 

“Sorry, ma’am. No one allowed in the ambulance except for the injured and authorized personnel.” The man said like he had been saying that for years. 

“Please.” Chizu begged desperately with tears and sweat pouring down her face. “You have to let me come with you.”

“Sorry ma’am.” He said as he climbed into the back and slammed the door. Chizu fell to her knees again, only now feeling the blood running down her own legs. She raised her hands and was about to cover her face, but noticed drying blood covering her palms and fingers. She clenched her hands into fists and brought them to her heart. 

“Ryu.” She whispered to herself. She looked up to the sky in desperation and screamed, “WHY?!” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chizu’s mother rubbed her back as she sobbed into her hands. 

“It was all my fault.” She whispered between hiccups. “I didn’t even think when I ran across the street like that.” 

“Shhh. It’s alright honey.” Her mother hummed in her hear softly and kissed her head. “Everything will be alright. 

Chizu wasn’t listening. “I should have looked.” She sobbed. “Maybe he’d still be here and we’d all be having the best time ever at the Theme Park.” 

Mr. Yoshida stood by them protectively, like he was scared that his own precious child would disappear in the blink of an eye. 

Chizu had called him from the street side, trying to explain everything. The call had been so fast and chaotic, but his baby’s tears had been enough to know. 

Mr. Sanada and Torhu walked out of the hospital room with their eyes glazed and shoulders slumped in defeat. The doctor followed and shut the door. They spoke in hushed tones. Chizu tried her hardest to listen, not caring if the news were good or bad, but a bubble of hope rose her heart out of the hell it was living in just a fraction. 

Mr. Sanada’s eye’s widened in shock and disbelief. Torhu’s hands found their way into his hair and pulled it like the pain would wake him up.

“I’m sorry.” The doctor said clearly enough for everyone in the waiting room to hear. “I wish there was more I could do.” He was about to walk back into the room again, but before he could so much as think about opening the door, Chizu was at his side. 

“Please, tell me how he is.” she begged. The doctor looked at her suspiciously. 

“She’s like a daughter to me.” Mr. Sanada told the doctor as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Let her in.” 

The doctor consented and opened the door. Chizu’s vision tunneled. Her eyes stung as she made her way toward the giant beeping machine. Ryu’s eyes were closed tightly and his arms lay limply at his sides. Wires hugged him and tubes fed life into him. A mask covered his mouth and nose. The room was filled with the sound of an oxygen tank forcing him to breathe. Nasty bruises and cuts littered his stoic face. Chizu was almost too scared to breathe near him, fearing that he would break. 

She touched his face tenderly. 

“It’s bad.” said the doctor. “I don’t know how long we can keep him on Life Support.” 

Those words hit Chizu like a tsunami. She’d heard about people who were on “the machine” and then, since keeping someone alive forcefully is disrespecting human life, if they can’t start to breathe on their own, they’re unplugged. 

Only this time, she actually cared. 

“How is he?” she managed to ask. 

“Almost all of his ribs are broken. Pieces of these bones have ripped through his lungs. His left shoulder is dislocated. His left femur splintered. The left check and eye socket cracked. There are several internal injuries to the intestines resulting in much internal bleeding. And finally, if he does survive, severe brain damage is inevitable.” 

Chizu regretted ever asking the question. 

“I’ve lost him.” she whispered to herself, so softly that the doctor didn’t even hear. “I’ve lost him before I even had him.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And so, the first permanent capital was founded in 710 at Nara, which became a center of Buddhist art, religion and culture. The current imperial family emerged in about 700, but until 1868, with few exceptions, had high prestige but little power. By 1550 or so, political power was subdivided…”

Chizu didn’t care about ancient history. She stared out the window while the rest of the class was busy taking notes and passing secret messages to their neighbors. She thought about Ryu and how much he would be yawning during this class. 

“The baseball team has an away game tonight.” Chizu thought to herself. “I was actually planning on going. I thought I’d cheer Ryu on.” 

Chizu looked down and saw a white piece of paper folded in half on her desk with her name on it. Curiosity won her over and she opened it. 

“What would Ryu want?” 

“He would hate it if he saw me like this.” Chizu thought. “He’d tell me that my smile was prettier, but what does it matter now? He’ll never tell me that again.”

Another note fell by her hand. She looked up and saw Kazehaya staring at her intently. She opened the note. 

“Your bag.”

Chizu’s eyebrows came together. What about her bag? She looked down at it and saw the flap open partly. Inside was a black object that she knew wasn’t there before. She reached in and gingerly wrapped her slim fingers around it. Immediately, she knew what it was. 

In a flash, Chizu’s hand and the black thing were out of her bag and in her desk. The teacher stopped teaching. 

“Is everything alright, Miss Yoshida?”

Chizu fingered the fabric of the thing in her hands. She quickly slid it under her vest. “I need to use the restroom, Sir.” 

The teacher nodded. “Go ahead.” 

Chizu sent a silent thank you to Kazehaya, who smiled ever-so-slightly, and made her way to the bathroom. 

Once in the privacy of the restroom, she pulled the black object out from under her vest. In her hands sat the black baseball cap that Ryu always pulled over his eyes. The rim, where he constantly fingered the bill, was slightly faded. She lifted it up to her face and breathed in his scent. It smelled just like him. She took it away from her face and traced the black lettering on the white front. RHCP. She didn’t know what it meant. She’d asked Ryu about it before and the only answer she got was, “Dunno.” 

Chizu held the cap by the bill and dipped her head. With a slap, she placed the cap on her head and looked at herself in the mirror. Tears she didn’t even know she was shedding poured down her cheeks and stained her eyes red. 

“Red. The color of his blood. The blood on my hands.” Chizu checked herself and laughed a little bit. “Where are all these dark thoughts coming from?” 

She fingered the bill, just like Ryu did, and made up her mind. 

“I’m going to the game tonight.” She said out loud. “And I’ll come back and tell Ryu all about it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Strike three, you’re out!” yelled the umpire. The whistle blew and the game ended. The fans jumped up from their seats and cheered. The boys from Kitohoro High shook their heads in shame. They had never lost a game that badly. 

Chizu fingered the cap on her head for the millionth time that day and turned to her friends. They had insisted on coming with her; their excuse being that the team would play better if there were more fans. If that were the case, then their team should have dominated, but Chizu wasn’t an idiot. She knew full well that they wanted to be there when she started crying. 

So she didn’t give them what they wanted. In fact, her face remained emotionless the entire game. Ayane would wave her hand in front of Chizu’s face to be sure that she didn’t fall asleep with her eyes open: a useful talent that Ryu had taught her. 

Chizu turned back to the field. The replacement catcher was arguing with the pitcher about the last pitch. She stood and, ignoring Sawako and Kazehaya’s protests, approached the two boys. 

“Please.” She begged them. “Don’t fight.”

The boys stared blankly at her, not knowing if they wanted to ignore her or just walk away awkwardly. But there was something about her facial expression that made both of them stay. It was almost like she was trying to tell them something but didn’t have the words to say it. 

“Life’s too short.” She told them quietly, like she was telling them a valuable secret. “Don’t waste it on something as small as a baseball game.” And she walked away. 

The two boys stared after her. “So that’s the Chizuru that we’ve heard so much about.” one said to the other who, in turn, nodded sadly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chizu couldn’t figure out for the life of her why Ayane, Sawako, and Kazehaya refused her of the only thing she wanted right at that moment: alone time. Everywhere she went, she would turn around and see the three of them hiding in the most obvious place possible. At first she just ignored it, but it quickly started to get old. 

“I’m not an idiot, you know!” She didn’t turn around, but she shouted so that they could hear her. “I know you guys are behind me.”

Their cover being blown, the culprits had no choice but to come out of hiding. Kazehaya tried to play it off as a coincidence. “Oh! Hello Chizu!”

“Don’t even try it, Kazehaya.” Chizu said touching Ryu’s cap. “Why can’t you guys leave me alone?”

Sawako glanced at Ayane who nodded seriously. “We want to make sure you won’t do something that might hurt you.” she admitted quietly. Chizu narrowed her eyes. 

“Why would I?” she asked. Her anger at the world flaring up like a blow torch and just as hot, too. “It’s not like I have enough hurt inside of me already!” The last part was added like she was trying to hold it in, but couldn’t stand it anymore. 

“There’s enough pain right now as it is.” Chizu lowered her head as she continued. “Who in their right mind would intentionally put themselves through more of that?”

“Chizu-chan.” Sawako whispered, her hand covering her mouth. 

Chizu’s head snapped up, her eyes blazing, and her mouth hard set. “Now that you know I’m hurting, now that you know that all this is killing me from the inside out, WHY DON’T YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!?” With tears streaming down her face, Chizu turned on her heal and sped away from them as fast as she could. 

Kazehaya stared after her. “We have to follow her.” He said and started to make his way in the direction in which Chizu left. “We need to make sure that she won’t try anything.”

“No.” Sawako dropped her gaze and hid her face in her long, black hair. “She needs to figure this out on her own.”

Kazehaya turned to her in shock. “But, you were the one who said---.”

“I know what I said, Kazehaya-kun.” Sawako lifted her head and gazed at him with soft, understanding black eyes that somehow held a fiery sincerity. “And I know that’s what you and Ayane are thinking.”

Ayane squeezed her eyes shut tightly to make the tears not fall as freely. Ryu had meant the world to all of them. They didn’t want Chizu to slip through their fingers, too. 

“But we can’t just leave her!” Kazehaya reasoned. His fists clenched into fists and his teeth pressed so hard together that they might crack under the pressure. “Friends are there for one another!”

“And right now Chizu-chan wants her friends to leave her alone.” Sawako said.

He held back a growl. “How can you say that and still be standing?” 

“It hurts me just as much to say this as it does for you to hear me say it.”

“STOP FIGHTING BOTH OF YOU!” 

Sawako and Kazehaya turned their attention to Ayane, who stood forgotten with her tears forming a puddle on the ground around her. 

“Ryu is going to die and Chizu is dead to us and what are you two doing? FIGHTING!” she screamed and threw her ever present purse at both of them. It hit nothing but the wall behind them and the empty holes in their hearts. “You guys are such children.” 

For a moment, there was silence. Then, Sawako reached out and took Ayane in her arms. She knew that she had to stay strong. All the times that she had cried over a misunderstanding or over someone lying to her, there had been someone to lean on. She wanted to say thank you in some way, but couldn’t. 

She held Ayane as Kazehaya wrapped his arms around both of them. In any other circumstance, Sawako would have blushed furiously and stammered something about having to use the restroom, but right now, it was a comfort to know that they were all in this together. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chizu stood at the side of the bed, listening to the continuous beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor. She figured it should be a comfort to her in some way, to know that Ryu was still breathing and alive even though forcefully, but she couldn’t seem to dig deep enough into her own dead heart to feel his beating one. 

“They lost the game the other day, Ryu.” She told him as if he could hear her. “The replacement catcher told the pitcher to throw an easy ball.” She reached into her bag and pulled something out. “I brought something for you.”

She laid a little paper bag next to Ryu so gently that even a mouse wouldn’t have noticed and pulled out a stuffed teddy bear. 

“I know you always said these sort of things were for babies,” Chizu said softly. “But he’s wearing a blue baseball cap and catcher’s mitt. I thought you’d like it.”

Chizu knew that it was her imagination, but could swear that she saw a smile light Ryu’s face for one, fleeting moment. Chizu felt the corners of her mouth pull at her cheeks in an attempt to smile. “I’m glad you like it, Ryu.” 

There was a loud knock at the door. 

“Come in.” Chizu said on reflex. To herself, she thought, “If that is Sawako, Ayane, or Kazahaya, I’ll---.”

Her internal threat was cut short by Mr. Sanada’s ever present smile. “Chizuru. I thought the doctors would be in here.” He walked over to her with a quick and easy step. “It’s a treat to see you.” 

Chizu saw the dark circles under his eyes and wanted to tell him to drop the tough-guy act, but thought better of it. Mr. Sanada noticed the little teddy bear sitting by Ryu’s shoulder. “Did you get him this?” Chizu nodded. “He’d love it.” he said, like Ryu was already gone.

“Don’t say it like that.” she said, almost sharply. Mr. Sanada looked at her with soft eyes. “As long as he’s still breathing, there’s hope.” She couldn’t believe she was saying it, but here she was, believing what she said. 

“Don’t you understand?” Mr. Sanada asked her as he placed the bear back down next to his son. “He’s only alive so long as that cord,” he pointed to a long, black snakelike thing coiled up on the ground, “stays plugged in there.” He pointed to an outlet right next to the giant machine. “One little accident and he’s dead.” 

“As long as he’s breathing, there’s hope that he’ll stay breathing.” Chizu repeated. “And I’ll kick anyone’s ass who says otherwise.” 

Mr. Sanada smiled. “I know you would.” He pulled something out of his pocket. “That’s why I wanted to give you this.” 

Chizu’s eyes danced at the little dark blue, velvet box. Mr. Sanada handed it to her and she opened it. A glittering fourteen karat gold, diamond studded infinity sign with a gold chain almost blinded her. She gingerly took it out of its box. 

“It’s—It’s… beautiful.” She breathed. 

“It was his mother’s.” 

Chizu’s eyes found their way to his with lightning speed. “What?”

“Ryu came early into the world. Three months too soon.” Mr. Sanada explained. “He was a frail little thing. I told his mother that he would never make it; and she told me exactly what you did. ‘As long as he’s breathing, there’s hope.’ I’ll never forget those words.” He sat down on a chair that had been pulled up to the bed by a previous visitor. “Ryu grew up to be her pride and joy. She loved both our sons equally, but almost losing Ryu made her treasure him in a special way.” 

Mr. Sanada’s eyes gazed at his son lovingly. “I wish she were here now to thunk me on the head for being so hopeless.” 

Chizu fingered the necklace softly. She barely had any memory at all of Ryu’s late mother. Of the two boys, Torhu favored her physical appearance more, but there were certain features of hers on her youngest; like his stoic personality.

“The only time I ever saw her cry was during childbirth.” Mr. Sanada placed his palm on Ryu’s perspiring forehead. “She always kept her feelings bottled up and I never heard anything about them unless she felt that I or the family was concerned.” He ran his hand over Ryu’s short cropped hair. “I carried that necklace with me ever since she died to remind me that there’s always hope. She would give it you right now if she was here.”

“Ryu never tells me anything, but I sometimes feel something stirring under that dead mask of hidden emotions.” Chizu stated.

He chuckled softly. “When did you get to be so dark, Chizuru? Ryu would be surprised.”

“I know.” Chizu said as she tried to clasp the necklace around her slender neck. “But just the thought of losing him is too much to bare.” 

Mr. Sanada stood and beckoned her towards him. He reached his hands behind her head and slipped his fingernail under the tiny lever on the clasp. “He’d love to hear you say that. He loves you more than you realize.”

Chizu thought that she would have broken down when she heard those words. Instead, she found herself saying, “I know.” She felt strong arms wrap around her and for a moment she imagined Ryu holding her to his chest. “I knew the moment I saw the fear in his eyes.”

Chizu recalled in her mind the look of blood curling terror in Ryu’s eyes as he pushed her out of the way of the truck. “It was fear for me.” she whispered, gripping onto Mr. Sanada’s shirt. “He didn’t care about what happened to him; he only cared about me.”

“Do you love him back?” he asked her, already knowing the answer, but not sure if she did, too.  
Chizu didn’t respond right away. She let that question sink in through her skin and down into her gut. She thought about all the times he let her down, all the times he made her cry, and all the times he ignored her. Then she thought about that one time that he cheered her up on the docks. How he had held her in his arms and let her cry on his shoulder, tears that he had made. That one time that she had let him be there for her was enough to crumble the transparent walls she built up around her heart. 

“Yes.” She whispered, so softly that Mr. Sanada didn’t think he heard her right. “I love him, too.” 

Chizu wished with all her heart that she was saying this to Ryu himself and not his father, but deep down, she found herself thinking that she never would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The walk home from school the next day was oddly quiet. Chizu was just waiting for Kazehaya to explode from the deathly silence that had enveloped the close group of friends ever since her confession, but he seemed to be preoccupied with something else unseen to her. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and his fingers twitched every once in a while. 

He walked virtually in his own bubble. Sawako, who could usually be found at his side, held her bag tightly in one hand and twirled her hair in the other; on the opposite side of the side walk. 

Ayane’s usually smiling lips were turned down ever so slightly like she was contemplating what level of concentration it would take to burn a hole in the solid concrete at her feet. It was no small wonder why everyone refused to speak. 

The hospital was unplugging Ryu that evening. 

Chizu fingered the infinity sign that hung around her neck. “As long as he’s breathing, there’s hope.” She whispered. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Chizu, honey, you really should eat something.” Mrs. Yoshida said that evening at dinner. 

“I’m really not that hungry.” She said, nudging her food around her plate with her chop sticks absent mindedly. 

Her parents shared a quick glance and her father spoke up. “Would you like to leave early?” 

Chizu looked up at them through the hair falling on her face. “What do you mean?”

“Your mother and I were talking and we thought that maybe you’d want to go visit Ryu before…”  
He didn’t have to finish. Chizu was already out the door. 

Her flip flop covered feet slapped against the pavement as she ran to the subway. In her hurry to get out the door, she’d forgotten to grab Ryu’s cap. Her hair flew everywhere, the wind forced unnecessary tears to stream across her face. 

She forced her way through the crowd blocking the subway doors, ignoring all the dirty looks that people were giving her. 

Finally sitting on the hard seats of the train, Chizu took an opportunity to catch her breath. Then, for the first time she could remember, she prayed; not just “I offer this to you, Oh Lord of the Forest” but honest to goodness praying. 

“God, if there is a real God out there, please don’t take him away from us. Please.” She didn’t bargain with this particular God. There was this feeling deep in her heart that if He really knew what was best for her, He would listen to her heart wrenching sobs, but only listen. “I can’t lose him, dammit. Please. Don’t take him.”

Up in the hospital room, Chizu knelt by Ryu’s side clutching his hand in both of hers. She didn’t sob or wail or anything that you’d find in a play or movie. Her tears just fell like her eyes were sweating. Beep, beep, beep said the heart monitor. Thump, thump, thump said Chizu’s own heart. 

“Please, God. Please.” Chizu felt like her prayer was over repetitive. “Don’t take my baseball freakiziod.” Despite herself, she had to smile. She rubbed the infinity sign, feeling the diamonds scrape against her fingertips. “I promised I wouldn’t bargain, but I should be the one lying there. If you’re going to take anyone…”

“Chizu?” she heard her mother knock on the door. “Honey, are you in there?”

Chizu wiped her tears hastily and climbed to her feet. “Yeah, I’m in here.” She called. 

The door opened and an entire crowd of people spilled in. The whole damn baseball team, Ryu’s father and brother, Sawako’s mother and father, Ayane’s family. Everyone that you never would have thought cared about Ryu was there. 

Chizu wanted nothing more than to fall to her knees like she did on the road when she tried to run to Ryu’s side. “What would Ryu’s mother do?” she asked herself. “Stand up taller.” 

The doctor and a nurse made their way through the crowd of on-lookers. “Please! Everyone! Only family and close friends please.”

Within moments, the room was cleared except for Chizu’s family and Ryu’s family. Kazehaya slipped inside with Sawako and Ayane on his heels. 

“They’re close friends.” Chizu said defiantly before the doctor could tell them to leave. The doctor nodded and bent to check something behind the bed. When he stood back up he gazed at each person intently. 

“It’s time.” Two little words had never struck so much pain and fear into Chizu’s heart. She found herself praying the same plea to a God that she wasn’t even sure existed. 

“Please don’t take him away. Please, God. Please.”

The doctor reached for the plug. Beep, beep, beep. 

“Please, God.”

His hand wrapped around the cord.

“Please.”

The cord jerked out of the outlet. Beep, beep….. beep…….. beep………………..

There was an ear splitting silence as everyone waited for something, anything, to happen. Nothing did and the tears came in torrents. 

“No. God, please no.” Chizu whispered. “He’s gone. Gone.” Her knees gave out and she fell. Her body hit the ground and the only thing she could see was Ryu’s face as he pushed her out of the way. The fear shinning in his eyes struck terror in her own heart. Even now, she felt her chest muscles tighten when she thought of the pain he must have felt as the six thousand pounds of pure diesel power crushed almost every bone in his body. 

But then: Beep…….. beep……… beep, beep, beep. 

No one heard it over all the wailing and the sobbing. Only Chizu, who still clung to that scrap of hope knew that her childish prayer had been answered. She grabbed Ryu’s father’s sleeve and pointed to the heart monitor. The little, fleeting mountains passed over the screen like they had never stopped. The doctor and the nurse were flabbergasted. Immediately they set up tests and turned the oxygen tank back on its separate energy way. 

Chizu couldn’t contain her overwhelming joy as Ryu groaned and squeezed his eyes tight before opening them a sliver. She sucked in a breath. 

“Ryu! Son!” His father rushed to his side. “Oh my god. Ryu.” Chizu had never seen Mr. Sanada cry before, but now it felt like she had seen it a million times. 

“Dad.” Ryu croaked in a voice that didn’t even sound like his. “Torhu.” 

“Yeah, little brother.” Tears were no stranger to Torhu. “We’re all here.”

Chizu swore she could see a smile play on Ryu’s lips through the oxygen mask. He blinked slowly before turning his head. Chizu’s heart nearly stopped when he moaned her name. 

“Chizu.” He whispered and his eyes closed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, I just can’t explain it.” the doctor told Mr. Sanada as he flipped through several report papers on a clipboard. “We did a brain scan and the only thing we can find is fatigue and just a little bit of amnesia.”

“Yup, that sounds like Ryu.” Chizu thought. 

"His lungs are clear and he’s breathing normally with just the aid of an oxygen tank.” The doctor continued, reading from his clipboard. “The only thing left is for all his bones to finish healing up and we can send him home for that.”

“But, just days before, we scanned his brain and most of it was crushed.” The doctor gave up on trying to find nonexistent answers in his never-ending pile of medical papers. “His lungs were torn to pieces and I thought we’d have to amputate his leg because the bones had shattered. I just don’t know what happened.”

“A miracle!” Chizu cried out catching the young doctor off guard. “That’s what happened.”

The doctor smiled and laughed. “Yes.” He agreed, still smiling. “A miracle would definitely explain this!”

“I don’t care what it was.” Mr. Sanada said. “I’m just happy to have my son back.”

“I hate to ruin the mood, but I do have some bad news.” The doctor said. He turned around and made a gesture to follow him. “Come with me.”

Chizu and Mr. Sanada shared a terrified glace. He grabbed her hand and held on tightly. Chizu rubbed the infinity sign with her index finger and thumb so hard that she could have forced a diamond off. 

The doctor led them to an X-ray room. On the wall, there were several X-rays of broken arms and legs from all different angles. He picked one of a leg and held it up to the light to show them. 

“See here?” he said and pointed to where the femur met the hip. “The ball and socket joint was completely severed. All the ligaments were torn and the ball came completely out. Not to mention the femur had been splintered even though now it’s just cracked in a few places. It will heal, but he’ll have hip and leg problems for the rest of his life.”

Mr. Sanada studied the X-ray like it would tell him the secret to obtaining immortality. Chizu just touched the cap on her head, contemplating what this could all mean. 

“Doctor?” she asked. “Will he be able to squat on his feet?” 

The doctor looked at her oddly. “Not without making further damage to his socket.” His eyebrows squished together. “Why do you ask?”

“He’s a catcher on his high school baseball team.” Mr. Sanada stated gravely. 

The doctor’s eyes almost swallowed his face. “What?! There’s no way he could ever play again.” he closed his eyes and rested his right hand on his hip and left hand on his head. “But I guess I said something similar to that a couple days ago, huh?” 

Chizu smiled. “Damn right.” she turned serious in a millisecond. “Can I see him?”

“He’s asleep right now, but you could probably wake him up without disrupting anything.” The doctor said. “Just stay calm and try not to stress him out. We need to keep his blood pressure as low as possible.”

Chizu nodded and turned to ask, “Mr. Sanada, do you want to come?”

“Naw.” he grunted and waved his hand passively. “I already saw him today. You go ahead.” 

In the hallway, Chizu ran through all the information the doctor had told them. “There’s no way he could ever play again.” It all echoed in her mind. “Try not to stress him out.” There were all these scenarios running through her head about what could happen if any of the tests went wrong or a careless nurse over dosed him with painkiller. 

The thing that really scared her was, “We found a little bit of amnesia.” What if he didn’t remember her? What if he forgot that he had risked his life to save her? What if he forgot that he loved her?  
Her hands shook as she opened Ryu’s hospital door. She had just the slightest sense of déjà vu as she poked her head in. Ryu’s heart monitor beeped steadily and the oxygen tank filled his lungs with fresh, clean air. 

She tip toed softly across the tiled floor to the side of his bed. His chest rose and fell in synchronism with beeping machine. For the millionth time, she touched his face tenderly with just the tips of her fingers. Ryu slept on. 

“Hey there, Ryu.” She whispered. “How are you doing?” he obviously didn’t answer, but it comforted Chizu to know that he would eventually respond to something she’d say. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.” She said as she wiped away a tear that just hung on her eyelid. 

Ryu shifted and she felt her back muscles involuntarily pull themselves together. He opened his eyes slowly. If Chizu’s heart was on a monitor, like Ryu’s, the beeping would be a constant whine. He blinked a few times to clear the sleepy blurriness. 

“Chizu?” he squinted and tried to sit up to quickly. Lightning seemed to jolt right through his body starting from his hip and combine with the ripping sensation in his chest. Ryu sucked in a sharp breath through his clenched teeth. 

“Don’t move.” Chizu said and placed her hand on his face. “Just lie still.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” He grunted and lay back down. When he was settled, he gazed at Chizu with worried eyes. “You’re not hurt are you?”

His question surprised Chizu to say the least. Why would he be worried about her being hurt?  
“No.” she said. “Of course not. Why do you ask?” 

Ryu wasn’t one to kiss up to a subject; he would never lay something down softly. If there was ever a tendency of Ryu’s that Chizu loved and hated at the same time, it would be his brutal honesty. 

“I wanted to be sure I pushed you hard enough.” He dead panned. 

So many emotions flared up inside of Chizu. She wanted to scream. She wanted to kill something. But most of all, she wanted to hold Ryu to her heart like she had on the street, minus all the blood. She wanted to kiss him and tell him that she loved him; she wanted to tell him that she’d do the same for him. She’d jump in front of an eighteen wheeler if it meant that he would live on. 

She hung her head to hide the onslaught of tears that were bound to come. Ryu may have been suffering from an aftershock of sorts, but he wasn’t blind. He could clearly see the tears falling like little waterfalls down her face.

“Ryu?” 

“Yeah?” 

Chizu’s body was visibly shaking. Ryu wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her for all eternity, but he knew her enough to know that her pride came before anything else in her book. 

“Why did you do that?”

“Do what?” 

“Die for me.” Chizu snapped her head up with such speed and force that Ryu feared she’d have really bad whiplash. “WHY DID YOU PUSH ME OUT OF THE WAY OF THAT TRUCK?!” 

Ryu’s eyes widened just slightly not so much at her out-burst, but more at the question asked. Why did he? Wasn’t it obvious? When he finally woke up, the only thing he could remember was her face staring blankly at him like she still hadn’t registered that a truck was headed right towards her.

“I couldn’t let that truck hit you and live with the guilt of knowing that I could have done something.” He said, turning away from her blazing eyes. “I couldn’t lose you.”

“And you thought that I could?” Chizu asked. “Do you think that I could just sit back and watch you suffer because of my carelessness? If you had died, do you think I wouldn’t have had to live with the guilt?”

Ryu looked back at her. The whole time she hadn’t moved, not one muscle. She still held him in a point blank glare. “Chizu.”

“You love me.” Chizu asked him, dropping her gaze. “Don’t you?” 

It wasn’t really a question, more of a statement that needed establishment, but even if it was, Ryu found himself not able to answer. 

“Ryu.” She said his name in a way that demanded his full, undivided attention. She looked into his eyes and the heart monitor went haywire. “Ryu Sanada, do you love me?” 

“Yes.” He said without missing a beat. “I love you.”

New tears formed on the inside Chizu’s eyes. Looking back on it, Ryu would say that he’d never seen a smile quite like Chizu’s right then. The only thing that kept her from jumping on him was the ever-present sound of his heart as she pulled his face up to hers and kissed him. 

“I love you, too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EPILOG

“Mama! I think I see Daddy!” a toddler cried out as he watched his father crouch without the slightest bit of difficulty at the home plate. He held a catcher’s mitt in his left hand while his right hand, hidden in the crook of his legs, sported a two, then a four, and then patted the inside of his left thigh. “That means a fastball, right Mommy?” 

The young mother cradled a three month old baby girl in her arms as she gently set down a bowl of buttered popcorn on the family room coffee table. Without taking his eyes off the screen, the little boy reached a chubby hand into the bowl in hopes of snatching a fistful before his mother could scold him. To his dismay, her eyes were as sharp as knives and her reflexes even keener. 

“Sousuke.” She said sternly, tapping his hand softly. “You know better than to eat without everyone being served.”

The baby reached for her mother’s hair and gurgled. 

“Sorry Mommy.” Sousuke muttered as he waited for Mama to scoop the popcorn into cups. 

“Here comes the wind-up and the pitch.” The announcer commented. A young mother’s life could be extremely busy and there are times where she couldn’t find the time to sit down with her kids and watch her husband’s baseball games. Thanks to the announcer, she didn’t have to; she could be in the kitchen making dinner, folding laundry, changing the baby’s diaper, anything and still know exactly what was going on. As a teenager she thought that announcing a game was just an easy way to make money and annoying to listen to. 

The phone rang. “I’ll get it Mama!” Sousuke shouted. The baby started to wail. 

“Sousuke.” She called after him trying to calm the baby down. “Wash your hands first!” 

She glued her eyes to the screen and watched as her husband caught a ball flying at ninety-six miles an hour straight for his face and throw it all the way back to second base with just as much force. The ball then bounced through the air from the second baseman to the first baseman. It was a perfect double play. She smiled and was about to blow a kiss at him as though he could see her, but her son came up to her and handed the phone over. 

“It’s Aunt Sawako.” 

“Oh. Sousuke, can you take Tomoe while I go talk to her?” she handed her four-year-old son her baby daughter and took the phone from his buttery hand. 

“I thought I told him to wash his hands.” She thought to herself as she walked into the kitchen. “Hum. Maybe I forgot.”

“Chizu-chan?” 

“Sawako! How are you?” 

“Shota!” Sawako yelled. “Can you grab the baby while I’m on the phone?” She turned her attention back to Chizu. “I’m fine. How’s Tomoe?” 

Chizu took a few steps backwards to take a peek on the kids. Sousuke was holding Tomoe closely, just like Ryu had taught him, and was teaching her all about RBIs and Homeruns. Chizu smiled. 

“She’s doing much better.” Her voice turned grave. “Now I know how Ryu’s mother must have felt; almost losing a child.”

Tomoe had been born a full four months early. All the doctors had said that there was almost no chance she could ever survive. Chizu had almost gone into a comatose after the birth when she found out, but Ryu had been there and had reminded her of the thing she had held onto when they were in their teens. 

“As long as she’s breathing, there’s hope she’ll stay breathing.” 

There was a yelp from the family room and Chizu whipped her head around the corner. Sousuke was still holding Tomoe, much to Chizu’s relief, but his eyes held fear. He pointed to the screen when he saw his Mama looking. 

“Daddy got hit with a fastball!” 

Chizu rushed over to the TV to see Ryu curled up in the fetus position and holding his left hip. She did the only natural thing for someone to do when faced with a loved one in pain: panicked. 

“Sawako, I’ll call you back.” She said into the receiver. “Ryu got hit on his hip.”

Without another word, she hung up the phone. By that time, there were several paramedics out on the field surrounding Ryu. They laid him on a stretcher and carried him to the dugout. Chizu wasn’t as worried as she might have been, but since his new hip replacement surgery, Ryu’s hip has been extra sensitive. 

“Mama?” Sousuke asked. Chizu looked down into his eyes filling up with tears. “Will Daddy be alright?” 

Chizu had to applaud her son’s bravery. Had she been in his place, the tears would already be in a puddle surrounding her. She placed a hand on his head and took a wide eyed Tomoe from his little, pudgy arms. 

“Yes, Daddy will be fine.” 

Right as she said that, the phone rang. She jumped up so fast that Tomoe started wailing in her arms. She answered the phone despite all the noise. 

“Hello? Chizu Sanada speaking.”

“Chizu.”

“Ryu!” she all but yelled. “What happened? Are you okay? Did you bust your hip again?” she bounced Tomoe on her hip to quiet her as talked. 

“Chizu, I’m fine. I’ve got an ice pack on right now.” he reassured her. She audibly sighed, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Did you see what happened?” He asked her. 

“No, but Sousuke did.” 

“Well, thank god for that new upgraded hip-replacement I had a few months ago. Without it, I would have been on my way to the hospital.”

Thirteen years ago, Ryu had a hip-replacement that let him continue to play baseball, but gave him a achy hip and knee afterwards. Just months ago, his doctor had recommended a specific surgeon who only does hip-replacements and nothing else. The result was a custom made, extra padded and movable hip. 

“Yeah. A doctor was finally right.” Chizu said with a smile on her face. 

“Mama?” Sousuke tugged on the edge of her shorts. “Can I talk to Daddy?”

“No, Baby. Daddy has to go, but he’ll be home tonight before you go to bed, okay?” Chizu said it like Ryu didn’t have much of a choice. He really didn’t mind that his wife told him when he was going to be home. Even if he did have a choice, it’s not like he would stay out later. He loved coming home to a loving wife and adoring kids. He loved how she melted into his embrace when those adoring kids where snug in their beds. 

“Hey, Chizu.” Ryu called into the phone. “Put it on speaker.” 

Chizu did and Ryu talked to his son. “Hey Buddy.”

“Hi Daddy!” Sousuke was overjoyed to hear his father’s voice. “Are you hurting, Daddy?”

“No. Not anymore.” He said. It was half true. His hip was still killing him, but, as cheesy as it sounded, hearing his wife and children’s voices really helped. “I have something I want you to tell Mommy.”

Sousuke looked up at his mother like he didn’t know what to say. “She’s right here, Daddy.”  
Ryu smiled. “I know, but I want to make sure she hears me. Can you tell her something for me?”

“Kay. What is it?” 

“Tell her she needs to breathe.” 

Chizu would kill him for that later, but for now she let him have his fun. “Daddy wants you to breathe.” Sousuke said, looking at her seriously, like he thought this little game was a life-and-death situation. 

Chizu had her own message for Ryu. “You tell Daddy that when he gets home, I will make him breathe harder than he ever has in his life.”

Ryu felt a familiar warmth rise in the pit of his stomach. She was always messing with his head; saying stuff like, “When you get home.” or “When the kids are in bed.” and “When I get out of the shower.” It drove him insane sometimes. 

“I love you, Ryu.”

“I love you, too.” He said. Chizu noticed his voice was a little tight sounding, like he was struggling ever so slightly not to make his voice squeak. 

“Ryu.”

“Yeah?”

“Breathe.”


End file.
